Monday 20 August 2007

Desperate Dave's plea to Brown


Tory leader David Cameron today made British political history by asking the Prime Minister to stop "toying with our [Conservative] narrow minds".


"He may have an October election, he may not. He may have a Spring election, he may not. He is fucking with a fragile minds and twisting our heads - please stop Mr Brown", said the thinly veiled desperado.


The Conservative Party has not faired well in the wake of the Brown bounce, and looks to be blighted by arguments over Europe, and taxation. Two of the longest standing wounds to the increasingly right wing party.


"Look we deserted the centre ground and now we can;t make it back" said Lord Georgy "Little Lord Fauntleroy" Osbourne of Foxtons. "Redwood made some key proposals, and real head way of presenting our agenda for the rich in a populist manner, and if he hadn't been tainted long ago with other worldly weirdness maybe it would have worked." Adding, "We have so few people actually able to manage we have to resort to using dinosaurs like Redwood, who despite numerous flaws is better than Letwin."


Mr Cameron, continued his plea, "Brown knows he has us where he wants us, rashly spanking out policy proposals in the desperate hope we may grab some kind of political headway in the run up to an election. thing is we don't know when it will be, if he goes sooner then we may be OK, but later will result in us having to produce increasingly more outlandish head line grabbing policy free statements - and quite frankly we are halfway there already". a visibly unshaven and harassed "desperate Dave" figure to his own troops Cameron is really feeling the pinch of his PR driven style, say some observers.


Lord Cashcroft, in house Tory banker, said, "What we need now is a bloody good poll on the Eu reform stuff - let me call the Daily Mail".


Whilst David Cameron is desperate it is unlikely the Prime Minister will pay attention to today's outspoken plea.

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