EU Referendum question decided

British politics is now set to face a public referendum on the EU. In an unprecedented move the question for the ballot has been decided and published early to start an "open, frank debate without jingoistic prejudice", said one commentator.

The question is, "Do you think we can trust the French?"

"it is great to see that a modernising attitude has swept the nation, a multicultural nation of Britain ready to embrace a new identity as Europeans, as well as our rich and much envied traditional notion of nation", said eddy izzard, pro European lifestyle genius.

The Daily Mail has set up an expected NO vote campaign, and aligned itself with most the of Conservative Party. Their front line anti foreign spokesman said, "for a long time now we have taken a complex issue of EU integration and explained it in terms couched in thinly veiled racism and prejudice." Mr Brampton continued, "I asked one man if he wanted to join Europe and he said 'no i don't like garlic' - he is now heading up the EU report task force".

Tory leader David Cameron is said to be angry at Tory party hard liners who want the question to include the much more complex issue of the Germans. Desperate Dave said, "I have a BMW can't we forgive and forget. I'm not going to send back my bang and olufsen hi fi either- no matter how much lord cashcroft bullies me".

Lord cashcroft, paymaster general of the Tory party, said, "I have told him that bang and oflusen are danish".

It looks like the question of the EU will run and run, with many Britain's embracing this new philosophy of open minded debate - with no problems whatsoever.

Desperate Dave's plea to Brown

Tory leader David Cameron today made British political history by asking the Prime Minister to stop "toying with our [Conservative] narrow minds".

"He may have an October election, he may not. He may have a Spring election, he may not. He is fucking with a fragile minds and twisting our heads - please stop Mr Brown", said the thinly veiled desperado.

The Conservative Party has not faired well in the wake of the Brown bounce, and looks to be blighted by arguments over Europe, and taxation. Two of the longest standing wounds to the increasingly right wing party.

"Look we deserted the centre ground and now we can;t make it back" said Lord Georgy "Little Lord Fauntleroy" Osbourne of Foxtons. "Redwood made some key proposals, and real head way of presenting our agenda for the rich in a populist manner, and if he hadn't been tainted long ago with other worldly weirdness maybe it would have worked." Adding, "We have so few people actually able to manage we have to resort to using dinosaurs like Redwood, who despite numerous flaws is better than Letwin."

Mr Cameron, continued his plea, "Brown knows he has us where he wants us, rashly spanking out policy proposals in the desperate hope we may grab some kind of political headway in the run up to an election. thing is we don't know when it will be, if he goes sooner then we may be OK, but later will result in us having to produce increasingly more outlandish head line grabbing policy free statements - and quite frankly we are halfway there already". a visibly unshaven and harassed "desperate Dave" figure to his own troops Cameron is really feeling the pinch of his PR driven style, say some observers.

Lord Cashcroft, in house Tory banker, said, "What we need now is a bloody good poll on the Eu reform stuff - let me call the Daily Mail".

Whilst David Cameron is desperate it is unlikely the Prime Minister will pay attention to today's outspoken plea.