David Cameron shocked the world of quantum mechanics today with his new politicised version of Heisenberg's uncertainty principle that the act of observing will change the phenomenon being observed.
The Tory leader said, "I have realised that the very act of watching the Conservative Party will change the nature of the Party. We are natural right wing, uncaring and bigoted but the very act of being watched makes us appear to be caring and compassionate. I am myself the most uncertain of all Conservatives being the leader - switching with a truly paradoxical rate of uncertainty".
nuclear physicist Prof Gavin French said, "This explains so much about the modern day Conservative Party. Like the atom which is governed by quantum mechanics - they too expend most energy whilst splitting".
Lord Saarky, the man with the Tory plan said, "I am amazed that Mr Cameron has decided to make this venture into the world of science, when he is sorely trailing in the polls. if i was him i would be focusing on my perception as a weak willed cowed toff."
Lord Cashcroft, Tory donor has said, "he spent my money on what?!".
The last word goes to the Brown camp who said, "I am not sure what this means for the Conservatives, but it doesn't sound great. to continue the tenuous allegory Labour is all about Brownian motion, invigorating the county on the molecular level."
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