desperate dave defends dictators in his cabinet

after a tirade of abuse for half of his cabinet moonlighting as non executive dictators of companies Desperate Dave Cameron has struck back.

"look they literally have nothing else to do now, do they?" the bewildered Tory leader asked some cynical journalists. "its not like they are running, or likely to run, the bloody country. some of them aren't pig thick so its only natural they want to do something productive with their time." The incoherent rambling continued, "I personally wish i had another job, and i know many of my shadow cabinet colleagues wish i did too".

Lord cashcroft, the monkey grinder to Dave Cameron's organ said, "I'm absolutely minted, i could give em something to make em focus. you know a sweetener like, but nah they want their farkin dictatorships. makes me wonder some days - but fuck it lets face it they are a shower with a wet drip leading em."

The shadow cabinet has been unavailable for comment due to the sunny weather recently, but are now back defending their outside interests, William Hague has been making over £100,000 a year on the pubic speaking circuit, he has said, "i like money, who doesn't?".

Sarah Teaser the Lib Dem child slave and shadow shadow spokes person for something said, "i would do it to, but one no one can see me over the lectern and two no one rings. ya know, yah?"

The last word goes to Tory leader David Cameron, "Has anyone seen Oliver Letwin recently? i am sure he has been subbing in for David Dickinson at supermarket openings".