"Political Theft: Problem Sorted" says Blair

Former PM and shiny in the States politician Tony Blair, has spoken out for the first time since leaving office - on the issue of pinching ideas.

"I know the Tories feel that we [Labour] have pinched their ideas about tax - but seriously look at Cameron he stole my entire f*cking act!", the 6 foot politico said.

"I mean the cheek of it, yeah policies come and go, but me I'm a one off. its very disconcerting that they ripped me off, lock stock and barrel."

Prof Moriarty of North West Uni said, "he has a point".

Desperate Dave pins false hope on a Transformer

Embattled Conservative party leader David Cameron has hit back with his own poll of school kids after proper pollsters put Brown 10 whole points ahead.

Mr Cameron said, "i have conducted my own poll, of school children, and whilst it doesn't put me ahead of brown the margin is only two points. the bigger question Mr brown must answer is why he is 34 points behind optimus prime - who i will hopefully be getting onto my apparently defunct 'A list' "

it is a major talking point in media circles that Mr Cameron's poll of pre teen children has put him still behind brown. One remarked, "i am not sure whether he can argue to be a real contender when he is still narrowly beaten by brown and trounced by a giant transforming truck."

sources inside the brown camp are certain that whether 10 or 2 points ahead of Mr Cameron he need not fear the conservative party - or the fictitious character Cameron is pinning his hopes on"

Lord Saarky, a chief Tory grandee was posed the question, "what do you make of Mr Cameron's bold assertions of increasing his opinion poll status by twinning himself with optimus prime, on the basis of a poll of school children?" to which he replied, "he did what now? my god that man is crutters, i mean dim doesn't describe it, Jesus never thought i would actually miss Iain Duncan Smith".

optimus prime has released a statement saying, "I'm a Labour man, and I fully support Gordon Brown. Conservatives are Decipticons - Fact."