Lib Dems need Iraq

Sir Minty Campbell has admitted that, "without Iraq we are policy less", he went on to shock many media commentators by saying, "and i think about wearing a toupee".





In what many see as a diversionary tactic Sir Minty has decided to make his lack of hair the number one Lib Dem issue, if there is any change in Iraq.





"For years we have now been using Iraq as a catchall euphemism to demonstrate frustration with Labour, we didn't really bother with any other policies. So if there is a UK troop withdrawal we have nothing, nada, nyet, zip, bubkis", said Campbell.





Sarah Teether, the child prodigy of Westminster, aged 13, said, "I think that Thir Minty hath a point. But we still have lotsth of polithies - like the fact he may wear a wig. we should make the next general electiona referndum to the people on minty'th toupee." The saliva tornado continued by saying, "itsth justht not fair, I'm going to sthcream."

The Shadow shadow defence spokeman, Slimebit Opik said, "I may go over there as an insurgent instead of campaigning this time, quite frankly eee- eee- eeking it out is my only hope.

A yougov poll has today but Sir Minty's toupee 5 points higher than Sir Minty himself.

desperate dave defends dictators in his cabinet

after a tirade of abuse for half of his cabinet moonlighting as non executive dictators of companies Desperate Dave Cameron has struck back.

"look they literally have nothing else to do now, do they?" the bewildered Tory leader asked some cynical journalists. "its not like they are running, or likely to run, the bloody country. some of them aren't pig thick so its only natural they want to do something productive with their time." The incoherent rambling continued, "I personally wish i had another job, and i know many of my shadow cabinet colleagues wish i did too".

Lord cashcroft, the monkey grinder to Dave Cameron's organ said, "I'm absolutely minted, i could give em something to make em focus. you know a sweetener like, but nah they want their farkin dictatorships. makes me wonder some days - but fuck it lets face it they are a shower with a wet drip leading em."

The shadow cabinet has been unavailable for comment due to the sunny weather recently, but are now back defending their outside interests, William Hague has been making over £100,000 a year on the pubic speaking circuit, he has said, "i like money, who doesn't?".

Sarah Teaser the Lib Dem child slave and shadow shadow spokes person for something said, "i would do it to, but one no one can see me over the lectern and two no one rings. ya know, yah?"

The last word goes to Tory leader David Cameron, "Has anyone seen Oliver Letwin recently? i am sure he has been subbing in for David Dickinson at supermarket openings".