Lib Dems need Iraq

Sir Minty Campbell has admitted that, "without Iraq we are policy less", he went on to shock many media commentators by saying, "and i think about wearing a toupee".





In what many see as a diversionary tactic Sir Minty has decided to make his lack of hair the number one Lib Dem issue, if there is any change in Iraq.





"For years we have now been using Iraq as a catchall euphemism to demonstrate frustration with Labour, we didn't really bother with any other policies. So if there is a UK troop withdrawal we have nothing, nada, nyet, zip, bubkis", said Campbell.





Sarah Teether, the child prodigy of Westminster, aged 13, said, "I think that Thir Minty hath a point. But we still have lotsth of polithies - like the fact he may wear a wig. we should make the next general electiona referndum to the people on minty'th toupee." The saliva tornado continued by saying, "itsth justht not fair, I'm going to sthcream."

The Shadow shadow defence spokeman, Slimebit Opik said, "I may go over there as an insurgent instead of campaigning this time, quite frankly eee- eee- eeking it out is my only hope.

A yougov poll has today but Sir Minty's toupee 5 points higher than Sir Minty himself.

Desperate Dave pins false hope on a Transformer

Embattled Conservative party leader David Cameron has hit back with his own poll of school kids after proper pollsters put Brown 10 whole points ahead.

Mr Cameron said, "i have conducted my own poll, of school children, and whilst it doesn't put me ahead of brown the margin is only two points. the bigger question Mr brown must answer is why he is 34 points behind optimus prime - who i will hopefully be getting onto my apparently defunct 'A list' "

it is a major talking point in media circles that Mr Cameron's poll of pre teen children has put him still behind brown. One remarked, "i am not sure whether he can argue to be a real contender when he is still narrowly beaten by brown and trounced by a giant transforming truck."

sources inside the brown camp are certain that whether 10 or 2 points ahead of Mr Cameron he need not fear the conservative party - or the fictitious character Cameron is pinning his hopes on"

Lord Saarky, a chief Tory grandee was posed the question, "what do you make of Mr Cameron's bold assertions of increasing his opinion poll status by twinning himself with optimus prime, on the basis of a poll of school children?" to which he replied, "he did what now? my god that man is crutters, i mean dim doesn't describe it, Jesus never thought i would actually miss Iain Duncan Smith".

optimus prime has released a statement saying, "I'm a Labour man, and I fully support Gordon Brown. Conservatives are Decipticons - Fact."