church of England vicar Rob Tether has hit back at the world of science today, claiming the floods had nothing to do with global warming but in fact were retribution for his sins.
Speculators from the world of science and religion alike have questioned the dubious nature of his choice in pornography but are beginning to concede that such an apocalyptic vision could have brought about at least god's wrath - if not Armageddon itself.
Dr Steve Makele of the Church of England's Smiting team said, "whilst we do say our new testament God is all forgiving, it is possible that this action has invoked a return to the old testament vengeful and plaguing god"
a scientist said soemthing, but no one really understood it, essentially it involved words like "internicene period", "fractally sound weather projections with no certainty of gulf stream movement" and most disturbingly "nicola holt".
locals affected by flooding have found it hard to come to terms with the news. one man said, "Nicola Holt? that's unbelievable."
sources close to the arch bishop of Canterbury later mentioned that they were just glad it was fairly normal stuff and didn't involve any of the more notorious clergy related perversions.
the Vatican has declined to comment but is apparently pleased that finally god has started to back up their threats, one insider went as far to say, "Jesus Christ! about bloody time. we had started to sound like we were making idle threats", before being turned into a pillar of salt.
"i have to come clean and apologise to the flood stricken areas of England, its all my fault", said guilt ridden Tether. "the day before the floods hit i sent the afternoon in my study masturbating to graphic pictures of ex big brother house mate Nicola Holt
- then disaster struck".
Speculators from the world of science and religion alike have questioned the dubious nature of his choice in pornography but are beginning to concede that such an apocalyptic vision could have brought about at least god's wrath - if not Armageddon itself.
Dr Steve Makele of the Church of England's Smiting team said, "whilst we do say our new testament God is all forgiving, it is possible that this action has invoked a return to the old testament vengeful and plaguing god"
a scientist said soemthing, but no one really understood it, essentially it involved words like "internicene period", "fractally sound weather projections with no certainty of gulf stream movement" and most disturbingly "nicola holt".
locals affected by flooding have found it hard to come to terms with the news. one man said, "Nicola Holt? that's unbelievable."
sources close to the arch bishop of Canterbury later mentioned that they were just glad it was fairly normal stuff and didn't involve any of the more notorious clergy related perversions.
the Vatican has declined to comment but is apparently pleased that finally god has started to back up their threats, one insider went as far to say, "Jesus Christ! about bloody time. we had started to sound like we were making idle threats", before being turned into a pillar of salt.
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