Lib Dems need Iraq

Sir Minty Campbell has admitted that, "without Iraq we are policy less", he went on to shock many media commentators by saying, "and i think about wearing a toupee".





In what many see as a diversionary tactic Sir Minty has decided to make his lack of hair the number one Lib Dem issue, if there is any change in Iraq.





"For years we have now been using Iraq as a catchall euphemism to demonstrate frustration with Labour, we didn't really bother with any other policies. So if there is a UK troop withdrawal we have nothing, nada, nyet, zip, bubkis", said Campbell.





Sarah Teether, the child prodigy of Westminster, aged 13, said, "I think that Thir Minty hath a point. But we still have lotsth of polithies - like the fact he may wear a wig. we should make the next general electiona referndum to the people on minty'th toupee." The saliva tornado continued by saying, "itsth justht not fair, I'm going to sthcream."

The Shadow shadow defence spokeman, Slimebit Opik said, "I may go over there as an insurgent instead of campaigning this time, quite frankly eee- eee- eeking it out is my only hope.

A yougov poll has today but Sir Minty's toupee 5 points higher than Sir Minty himself.

EU Referendum question decided

British politics is now set to face a public referendum on the EU. In an unprecedented move the question for the ballot has been decided and published early to start an "open, frank debate without jingoistic prejudice", said one commentator.

The question is, "Do you think we can trust the French?"

"it is great to see that a modernising attitude has swept the nation, a multicultural nation of Britain ready to embrace a new identity as Europeans, as well as our rich and much envied traditional notion of nation", said eddy izzard, pro European lifestyle genius.

The Daily Mail has set up an expected NO vote campaign, and aligned itself with most the of Conservative Party. Their front line anti foreign spokesman said, "for a long time now we have taken a complex issue of EU integration and explained it in terms couched in thinly veiled racism and prejudice." Mr Brampton continued, "I asked one man if he wanted to join Europe and he said 'no i don't like garlic' - he is now heading up the EU report task force".

Tory leader David Cameron is said to be angry at Tory party hard liners who want the question to include the much more complex issue of the Germans. Desperate Dave said, "I have a BMW can't we forgive and forget. I'm not going to send back my bang and olufsen hi fi either- no matter how much lord cashcroft bullies me".

Lord cashcroft, paymaster general of the Tory party, said, "I have told him that bang and oflusen are danish".

It looks like the question of the EU will run and run, with many Britain's embracing this new philosophy of open minded debate - with no problems whatsoever.